I’ve been receiving a lot of worried messages from friends all over the world asking me how me and my family are doing. You know- since I’m living in a war torn country.
The truth is, it’s horrible.
Everything about it is horrible.
I happen to live in a section of israel not too far away from Gaza.
I don’t want to get into the politics of the situation, because I am living it every day.
All I know is that Israel finally said “enough” to the daily rocket fire from Hamas and went in. And that’s that.
But what that means is death, destruction,and innocent lives lost.
You can’t negotiate with terrorists. Terrorists that do not believe in a Jewish state and want to kill all the Jews.
How can you live in peace?
And my heart aches for all the children. They didn’t ask to be involved. It’s just not right.
Over 40 terror tunnels were found dug from Gaza into Israeli settlements, some found right under preschools.
And Israel is being painted in the media as the villains? How do you go about taking out a terrorist group that hides behind innocents? You try to warn the civilians to leave- via phone calls, leaflets from the sky- whatever way you can.. because you are human.
The main destruction is happening on the Gaza side because they don’t have bomb shelters.I Israel has invested so much money- whether their own or foreign aid- to protect their lives. This is either via the iron dome or bomb shelters for it’s people. Hamas takes money that should be building schools, hospitals, etc and uses it to fund terror tunnels. Rockets.
I seem to be getting into”altercations” online with people who only know how to place blame and call Israel “state approved terrorists”
I’ve never been a big political person.. but this really bothers me. Because antisemitism is at it’s peek in the word right now.
This war is taking a toll on me.
I am walking around with a knot in my stomach all the time.
Every time a siren goes off, I worry where my kids are.
The other day as I was driving home from work, a siren went off and I literally saw the missile of the iron dome shoot right in front of me.I will never forget that image.
I just want this to be over.
I hate that my daughters are used to this and that it’s their norm.
My husband who is Israeli is used to it and tells me not to stress too much. How can I not? This is not normal.
One morning when a siren went off and I was asleep, I woke up to grab my girls- only to see the older girls huddled in the corner holding the baby.
My heart broke.
So for all those wondering how we are doing.. we’re fine. We’re scared and stressed- and we hurt for the innocent lives lost in Gaza. Israel does not pass out candies on the street when civilians die (like they did in Gaza on September 11th and int he London bombing incidents). We hurt.
My heart is heavy.
I mentioned that I want to start using this platform as a place to vent.
As my diary, the way it once was.
So here goes.
There are days that I am off.
That even the best meds in the world can’t make me smile inside.
Because I ALWAYS smile on the outside.
People think I am so chipper.
Nobody can be this chipper all the fucking time.
I’m in a hard place financially right now.
Well, I have been for a few years now.
With a husband in school, and only one income- you get stretched to the MAX.
I feel like I am constantly on a treadmill- walking… running in place- but going nowhere.
All I want to do is scream- I mean how the fuck long will this have to go on???
My husband is an amazing person.
A wonderful dad.
Sometimes though, I don’t like him.
I love him, but I don’t like him. I feel like I am always being picked apart. At home, at work… within myself. I take care of EVERYONE, without anyone taking care of me.
I wish I could take a break from marriage and just be with myself and with my thoughts for a while.
Doesnt everyone feel that way?
Often I wonder if I made a mistake marrying him. He’s a wonderful person, but we don’t mesh a lot of the time. We’re so different. It’s hard. That’s what happens when you marry at 24 after being with the same person since the age of 20. You make a decision that is too big for you. I mean, I’m not saying that I regret it. I love my girls. I love him as well. But I still wonder. I Wonder if people shouldnt be allowed to marry so young.
I have been feeling so run down lately. Sleeping so much. I fall asleep at 9pm, and on weekends at 7pm. I know that a sign of depression and what not, but I’ve been taking anti depressant for a year now.
Does it mean they stop working? I need them to work.
I can’t keep this smile painted on without them.
A clown without his makeup, is just a sad soul.
My left eye has been twitching on and off for 3 weeks now.
What the hell dude?
I look like George Costanza when “PULP”! was flung in his eye from across the table.
I keep winking.
But not a sexy kind of wink.
And not to sexy people.
I winked at my office’s Russian cleaning lady who speaks not one word of hebrew or english.
This might get me in trouble soon enough.
People, I need book advice!
I want discipline books.
Actually, I NEED them.
For the girls.
I mean, how do I get 3 year olds to listen to me?
Sometimes I forget that they are 3.
And I find myself arguing over Dora Memory Cards with them- because dude, they TOTALLY cheat and I don’t think that’s cool.
And then, I remember that wait.. they were only born in 2007.
But then again, I totally paid a guy in college $20 to sit next to him and cheat on my chemistry final. This was a class that I NEVER showed up to. I took the mid-term, and final and ended up getting a B- in the class. It was an anomaly. Best $20 I ever spent (Esp considering it was the last class I needed to graduate).
I guess cheating does wonders sometimes.
So I just downloaded a book that turned out to be a POSITIVE discipline book. As in, NO PUNISHMENT. What the hell?
I’ve been trying out a few techniques and they are working so far.
It teaches you to not put them in time outs, but to create a question and answer dialog with them.
This was my conversation last night with S:
Me: “S, You need to take a shower.”
S: “No.” (ignoring me and playing with her stickers)
Me: (now this is the point where I would be frustrated)
“So, what do you think will happen if you don’t take a shower?”
Me: No, you’ll be smelly and there will be bugs in your hair.
S: “I don’t feel like it”
I mean seriously, how do you argue with “I don’t feel like it” because you know, sometimes you just don’t feel like doing something. I get it.
I just kept repeating the question and answer portion until she eventually hopped into the shower (that, and I promised her that she could return to play with her stickers when she was finished).
I mean, I’ll give this whole positive discipline a try. But it will be hard I’m not going to lie.
so, share your mommy advice with me ladies- bring forth your wisdom on to me.
Because at this rate, my three-year olds attitudes will only get worse when they become teens:
I can’t stand myself sometimes!
2 heavy posts in a row.
So 2011 huh?
What can I say?
2010 has pretty much gone by in a blink of an eye for me.
Let’s see what I did this past year.
- I went to Ireland.
I had never been to europe before so I was so excited.
Ireland was breathtaking.
There are a crazy amount of crows there though.. so I’m not thinking that’s a good sign, right?
- we decided to move to ISRAEL.
- Came and Went…
- and then we packed up our lives and moved halfway across the world….
Where I got the balls to do that, I will never know.
- I had a miscarriage.
blah blah blah… I was sad. let’s move on.
- I realized something important.
I am NOT STAY AT HOME MOM MATERIAL.
I alsways thought that I might enjoy being at home with the kids.. but let me tell you.. that aint no easy job. Too hard.
I literally was on the brink of medication.
The girls drove me NUTS.
They were in a new place and were not in their comfort zone. I was all alone. 2 against 1.
They werent in school, and my husband was in a school program so he was never home.
Going from zero to sixty in the course of a month was very very difficult.
It was hard yo.
- But we had a fun-filled summer filled with sun!
- I went on a cruise for the very first time.
- and visited Cyprus and Greece.
I even rode a donkey down the white city of Lindos.
I cried that morning.
I mean, how did that happen?
- My husband became an American Citizen.
So proud of him.
- ALSO…, I decided to put aside past anger and start anew.
I realized holding on to anger does nothing but make you miserable. I let it go.
- I started a new job my first in a different country.
I was scared shitless.
But this time I have a title, an office.
My opinions matter.
I am viewed as a commodity.
It kind of does something for my self-worth.
- My girls turned 3…
- We started exploring this new country of ours…
- Enjoyed the holidays with the family..
So all in all.. this has been a pretty nice year…I truly hope 2011 is filled with nothing but joy and happiness to you and yours!!
Now let’s go get drunk.
I came across this in the blogosphere and thought I would jump on the wagon. I think this is great.
This is the list if you want to add your own:
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself
Something you Hate About yourself:
I wish I didnt care so much what other people thought of me.
I always act as though I could care less if someone thinks ill of me.
But it couldnt be farther from the truth.
I care too much.. and it effects how I feel about myself.
What do you hate about yourself?
I feel lost.
Wish I could post more.
I will.. I promise…
it just might take me a little bit…
So, I have a confession to make.
I am not a housewife.
Well, I’m not a good one anyway.
I don’t do laundry.
I don’t clean the floors.
I don’t do windows.
You get the point.
I grew up in a household where I NEVER had chores
My mom would tell me to clean my room, but that was all.
I didn’t have any basic skills when I was listed on the market as a wife.
But my husband knew this.
Though, I am not one that anyone would expect to do ALL THE HOUSEWORK AND CHILD REARING.
I remember being a kid and having dinner at my grandparents house. My grandmother along with all of my aunts would run around cooking and preparing for the sabbath dinner. The men would go to synagogue and come home to a set table. Then once the meal commenced, the men would get up and leave their dirty dishes behind. It was expected that the women would pick up after the men as well (lest I not even bring out the dessert platters that the women would bring out when they were done washing the dishes).
I remember feeling that it was completely unfair and wrong.
I mean, why would us women have to do everything?
At that very moment I became a feminist.
Well, you know… I’m not running around with picket signs, but I believe in equality.
That’s why I married a man who agrees with me.
He is a VERY hands on Dad and we share a lot of the household responsibilities.
I never did laundry before in MY LIFE.
We didn’t have a laundry machine in our apartment, and the machines were in a super scary basement so it was up to Mr. GG to do our laundry. This caused many problems because he would only do laundry once every 2.5 weeks and there were MANY times, more that I would like to remember that I had to go commando because of the lack of clean underwear.
I have now done laundry more than once.
I am pretty proud of myself (shut up).
So liberating to have clean clothes several times a week!!
Is this what normal folks feel like?
Oh, I’ve also been throwing out the garbage!
That chore was also bestowed upon my lovely husband.
He still does it, but I have been doing it too.
Since we live in the apartment above my retired father in law (who is home ALL THE TIME) I feel like he needs to think that I am somewhat domesticated (Donna Reed I am Not)… so I am now playing the part, because I live in an old school setting.
I think this whole farm living thing might make me the marrying kind, you know for a farmer.
And when I am tired after a LONG day of cleaning and cooking, I always have my little helpers
What is your most HATED household chore?
So we have this shed.
It’s not ours per se, it’s my father-in-law’s.
I always wondered what was in it.
Turns out there are MANY MANY things that I wish werent in there.
Apparently, my f-i-l is a secret horder.
The hording may be situated into a single shed, but YOU BETTER BELIEVE there is some serious hording happening.
For example, when we informed my fil that we were moving to Israel, he insisted we not bring anything with us. “I have EVERYTHING you will need” he said on the phone.
It sounded so nice and comforting.
That is until my husband turned to me and said, “You know he means furniture from the 70’s”
I thought he was exaggerating.
I’m glad I believed him and am having my own furniture and belongings shipped to us.
When my husband told his father that we needed to go buy some cutlery, my fil proceeded to take him into the shed. My bewildered husband came back with a plastic bag full of forks, knives, spoons and the such. I asked him what was wrong, and as he pulled out a fork, he asks me how old I thought the no longer shiny utensil was.
“Ten years old”? I answered.
“No. My mother bought these when I was a kid”.
His mother has been dead for over 20 years.
I literally feel as though I am in a time warp in this apartment.
The kitchen is 70’s chic:
And did I mention this is the clock that my f-i-l gave us from the magical shed after we said we needed to buy a clock?
Oh yes he did.
I see potential in this time warp of an apartment, I really do… considering this is the view from my kitchen window:
A view like that is something a city girl like me, truly appreciates.
Now bring on the garbage truck!
Ever get dressed in the morning and say to yourself, “Hmm.. this jacket is missing something. I think I’m going to add this My Little Pony Ass to my lapel?”
Yeah, me neither.
But apparently, it HAS happened to someone else. And she received so many compliments that she decided to start making and SELLING them online.
“My Little Pony is celebrating its 25th anniversary…I’m not one to miss out on an occasion so I made this sensational brooch to celebrate.
Buy the original on Etsy, accept no flimsy imitations!
I have been wearing one on my lapel for quite a few weeks now and it has caused such a stir of excitement that I thought I better list it on Etsy quick smart!
So here is a cute little mint colored pony’s butt with a long brooch clip attachment and special pony polymer filling.
Her tail is in need of some styling, please feel free to express yourself…I think a plait looks good, butt (wondering if she misspelled this on purpose?) hey, you decide!
2 1/2″ (6cm) high
1 1/2″ (3.5cm) wide
I have her head made into a brooch also, so please convo me if you would like the front end….”
That is all.