When I was 25, I walked in to a fertility clinic and was told that I had a 10% chance of conceiving naturally. My heart broke.
By the grace of G-D I became pregnant with my girls on my first IVF attempt.
Yes, I had some complications, early labor, hospital bed rest, the girls were born 10 weeks premature but we made it home.
I had two more unsuccessful rounds of IVF. Well, one took and I did become pregnant but I miscarried early, so I’m not sure if that’s considered successful.
Two months ago I received a positive pregnancy test.
I had become pregnant naturally.
I was overjoyed.
How could it be?
Sure, the timing wasnt great, with my husband being in school- but it was a miracle.
We dont scoff at miracles in this household.
It was touch and go in the beginning because they couldn’t see a heartbeat at first, but at 6 weeks- there it was on the screen.
I cried tears of joy.
My belly protruded, I started telling those close to me.
And then yesterday.
I have felt unwell for a few days with a stomach virus.
I decided I wanted to see the OB just to make sure all was well, since 4 weeks had passed since I last had a visit.
And just like that..
And so I sit here typing, with a graveyard for a uterus.
Holding the remains of what could have been,
My miracle baby.
A miracle no longer.
I go into the hospital later.
I don’t understand this.
I don’t think I ever will.
I am heartbroken.
To just have something taken away so abruptly just isn’t fair.