Hairy Situation

So I have confession to make to the couple of hundred of you who read my blog daily (FYI I still CANNOT get over that there are a few hundred of you! I used to have like 4 visitors a day)…

Any who, us ladies have it rough.

Who says we are supposed to be hairless like Dina Manzo’s cat?

You see where I am going with this?

Fine damn it, I will just say it.

I am of the hairy persuasion.

Take 50% unhairy woman and mix her with a caveman husband and what do you get?

Caveman Me.

100% Cavewoman to be exact.

I started realizing that I was hairier than my peers at around age 10, you know.. when the unibrow formed above my eyes.

I put Bert to shame.

 

Oh, that and my EXCESSIVE leg hair.

Often, people would mistake my legs for leg warmers.

I would wear pantyhose to hide my shame, but there was no hiding those hairy suckers as they would come slashing out of the fabric.

I remember begging my mother to let me shave my legs at age 10.

“No, you are too young” I remember her saying.

“Let’s discuss this when you hit Bat Mitzvah age” (which is 12 to all you non Jews)

Of course, I couldn’t wait.

The summer of my 10th year, I spent a lazy afternoon with a friend. She was 12. An older woman. Her mother let her shave her legs. My friend said she would show me how to shave my legs.

Awesome I thought!

Finally, I will be hair free (HA!)

So she demonstrated on her leg- I proceeded to take the razor and make a clean line from the bottom all the way to the top of my leg.

And I freaked the F out.

So I put the razor down and told her I was too scared my mother would kill me.

Later that day, while talking to my mother and aunt, my mother gazed down at my leg (I totally should not have been wearing shorts) and asked me “Did you shave a strip on your leg?

“Umm yes- but i stopped”

She kept her cool, because there were others around but reminded me that I needed to wait until Bat Mitzvah age.

It took about 5 minutes until that landing strip on my leg was back to full- on leg weave.

Then as I got older, facial hair started forming.

Great.

But mine wasnt only on top of my lip, I had FULL ON side burns.

I put Elvis to shame.

Don't be cruel

I waxed my arms, shaved my legs, waxed my upper lip and unibrow… but the side burns…. oy, those were freaking bad.

So I tried shaving, which TOTALLY WAS NOT the way to go- it grew in darker and thicker.

A friend of mine in high school called me “wolfman”.. needless to say it didnt help my self esteem.

Then I tried threading, and ultimately landed on waxing.

Waxing is a dear old friend of mine.

The money that I have spent trying to rid myself of all this unwanted body hair is INSANE.

My husband is HAIRLESS.

He has 2 hairs on his chest.. and I am being literal.

I worried that my daughters would inherit my natural born parka.

One did, the other didn’t.

The one that did will SOOOO Hate me.

 I have found the best way to rid myslef of my facial hair is LASER HAIR REMOVAL.

OMG in America it is crazy expensive, so when I got to Israel and realized that I could remove my unwanted facial hair for $800- it was like I hit the lotto.

My husband didnt say ONE word when I went and spent that money, because he knows of my daily war with my hair (body and the afro on top of my head).

Let me tell you, laser hair removal hurts like a MOFO.

 But it is sooo worth it.

Bring on the pain.

Maybe one day, I will look like Dina Manzo’s cat…

Sup?

*IS there anything on your body that you would love to change? If so, what is it and why. Dude, I wont judge. I just told you I had sideburns like Elvis.

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34 thoughts on “Hairy Situation

  1. harriet

    Yes! starting from about the age of 12 I have been covered in strechmarks. I have not had a baby, I am way past puberty age, but they still form! I am not overweight/lost or put on weight in a short time frame its weird. I have them: under my arms, on my stomach, hips back of my calfs, on my side boobs, etc etc! Ok this si the most embarassing thing i have ever typed haha!

    Reply
  2. Maya Hanley

    HA HA HA, you crack me up! I haven’t got quite the problem you have but my close friend does and she also went the laser route in the end. You write so hilariously about it though and have given all of us a great giggle today, not because of your ordeal but because you’re so damn funny. Totally not surprised that you have hundreds of followers! By the way, just wait till your pubes turn grey!!! Waxing, waxing, waxing…………..

    Reply
  3. Txtingmrdarcy

    Haha, I loved this. I too am of the hairy persuasion. My mom took pity on my legs in 4th grade (thank GOD), but the arms and facial hair are daily torment. I’m too terrified (and also broke) to try the laser hair removal, I’ll wait for your updates.

    Dina Manzo’s cat needs a face lift now that it’s finished with its hair removal. 😉

    Reply
  4. Mara

    OMG!!! I know your pain! I have an afro, and am covered in hair. When I was little my mom, my mom referred to my body hair as “fur” (thanks Mom!!). I was very so ashamed of the problem. In second grade some ass monkey in my class called me the “bearded lady”. When I was in fourth grade my mom finally let me get rid of the hair on my legs by using Nair. She wouldn’t let me use a razor. I think she regreted that choice cause I used the Nair to take of my arm hair, and upper lip hair when she wasn’t home. My poor daughter has my unibrow, but that is all, thank G-d. Laser hair removal is expensive here, so I get waxed 😦

    Reply
  5. Nellie

    Ahh, you are funny as all hell and I just adore that you told us something that can sometimes be so incredibly hard to tell without feeling like any shred of self-esteem has already left the building.

    I’ve suffered as an adolescent and still suffer as an adult from good ‘ol, hate it like there’s no tomorrow, facial ACNE. It sucks and still does and I would love nothing more than to have a chemical peel done where I will have a smooth, acne-free for the rest of my life face!

    Reply
    1. geminigirl64 Post author

      nellie- my sis in law took a pill that helped her get rid of her acne!!! she had it everywhere, on her face, back and arms… i think the pill has some dangerous side effects so you have to take blood tests every so often for the first year to make sure there are no bad reactions.. let me tell you- she has been blemish free ever since!

      Reply
      1. Nellie

        Oh, thanks. I think I know the pill you are talking about – acutane. Unfortunately I was on it TWICE and still get the lovely zittos, even at 40! I think when I was taking it, it was fairly new and I was given low dosages both times (within three year span of each other). I wish it had worked the way it did for your sister-in-law.

        Love, love, love your blog and your gorgeous girls!! Keep blogging, we’ll keep reading and enjoying every wonderful word you type. 🙂

  6. angelasw

    A. My huge butt and hips, inherited from both sides of the family. Ugh. B. You are funny as all getout. B. That cat will give me nightmares.

    Reply
  7. LC

    My sis when the laser hair removal route. And I will tell you I am super jealous! It looks awesome. Given the expense in the US it is not an option for me but lucky for you!!

    Reply
  8. rachel

    You are too funny! I am also super hairy and my husband is sooo naturally smooth. I am so jealous of his hairlessness! Unfortunatley my daughter is just like me..she is only 6 and when I trim her bangs, I secretly trim her little uni-brow! I will totally let her shave young like I did.:)

    Reply
    1. geminigirl64 Post author

      the daughter who isnt hairy, happens to have a unibrow. how unfortunate? BUT at least they have hairy moms who will help them.

      Reply
  9. Kerry

    so thought you were going to a hairy topic a little further south.

    I have the sideburns, mustache, cheek hair, and hair on my entire upper neck. i use Andrea Naturals brazilian wax. it’s the kind that hardens on your face and you just rip the wax right off…no strips necessary. It smells amazing too.
    My hair is because of my PCOS that is completely out of control.

    Reply
  10. Romi

    Hahahaha…remember how we decided we are sisters? Well I feel that pain all the way..laser hair removal baby!!…(the reason why I’m broke, hahahaha 😉 )

    Reply
  11. edenland

    Oh I love you. And boo to the person who called you wolfman!

    True story: I was plucking my chinhairs in my car this morning, at the traffic lights. I didn’t know they had turned green so the guy behind me BEEPED. How rude!

    XOXOX

    Reply
  12. tonya

    I’d change the space between my two front teeth. As a child my parents didn’t put braces on my teeth because they were perfectly straight. Gap and all. Thanks, Mom. As an adult, that space has REALLY bothered me, and there’s no great solution. Braces in my late thirties, followed by a retainer for the rest of my life? Bonding that then makes my teeth look strangely wide? Other options that would break the bank? Stopping smiling?

    I also have two daughters. One with a space, one without. The one with the space WILL get braces!

    Reply
    1. geminigirl64 Post author

      tonya- I used to have such a large space between my front teeth- you could have fit another tooth there! i had braces as a teen, but when they came off, I still had a gap btwn my front teeth- albeit a small one. It always bothered me, so I have bonding now– and it looks great! BTW- My husband wishes that I kept my gap… he said it made me who i was.
      My daughter has a gap too, and I totally think she is amazing with it! something to think about!

      Reply
      1. tonya

        My husband likes my gap, too. Says it makes me ME. My dad had one too. He felt it defined him so much that when he had to get dentures, he had a space put in. 🙂 I’d do bonding in a second but for the fact that my front teeth are already wide. My dentist thinks that they would look not look natural if we bonded them. Guess I just need to embrace my gap!

  13. KJ and the Kids

    Girl…you know I’m hairy. I believe my ancestors lived where it was extremely sandy and cold….apparently that’s why I have hair in my nose and of course all over my legs 🙂
    There are so many things I would change that I can’t list just one. But I wish I had GREAT skin. Like the perfect color….no blemishes….no moles….just smooth perfect skin.
    Oh and hair. I wish I could take all of the hair on my body and move it to my head. It’s the only place that I don’t have hair. 😦

    Reply
  14. Janet

    This cracks me up and makes me so sad for the child you!!:( I would have let you shave:)

    I hate that no matter how much running I do or weight training I do my thighs still jiggle and shake like jello with little cottage cheese bursts all over the sides!!! OH HOW I HATE IT!!

    But really compared to so much hair it’s hard to complain……………………………….

    Reply
  15. maddogandcompany

    my boobs. One is probably a full cup size bigger than the other. I have to find the right bra to disguise it and I hate that. I’ve seriously contemplated surgery many times. It’s not totally off the table, but I’m afraid from all the breast implant horror stories I hear.

    Reply
  16. Rachel

    When I was ten at camp…I shaved without my mom’s permission. You may have quit after one strip, but I carved a nice bloody strip down the front of my shin! To this day, it is a lovely reminder of what happens when you don’t listen to your mom. I can’t wait to show off my scar to my kids (gd willing) to show them what happens when you are a bad girl. 🙂

    Reply
  17. Sloane Reed

    It would definitely be my ta-tas! Ever since I gave birth 30 months ago, they just haven’t been the same. I seriously feel like I have two different breasts on my body. Of course no pair is ever perfectly symmetrical– one is always larger than the other– but there is a difference of two cup sizes for me. I wouldn’t care if they got bigger or smaller, I just want them to be more evenly matched.

    At least my fiancée gets the best of both worlds. 😉

    Reply
  18. Dorcas

    I, too, have the problem but it didn’t hit until I was in my 20’s and PCOS took over my hormones. It’s horrible.

    One bad thing about the hair removal is that the hair can come back with subsequent hormonal shifts (i.e. Pregnancy). But, luckily for you, it’s affordable enough that you won’t have to take out a mortgage to get it done again. 🙂

    Reply

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