She Puts Martha Stewart to Shame

My husband and I are going on a little trip to Ireland next month and we are super excited. It will be our second trip away from our girls since they were born. Most people feel torn about leaving their kids behind- not us. I definitely feel as though we NEED this trip.

We need to focus on us.

I have NEVER been to Europe- and not for a lack of yearning. Most of my trips entailed back and forths from New York to Israel. That my friends, costs A LOT of money. My father-in-law speculated that he MIGHT buy us all tickets for passover (to Israel). That’s over FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS- just for flights.  Of course, a 10 hour flight with two toddlers… oh boy.

My FIL could technically just give us that money because he knows that can help us. But I know just how much he wants to see all of us, and wants us to have a nice trip away.

Have I mentioned how much I adore my father-in-law? He’s like the father I never had.

So back to our little trip next month.

As I was thinking about our trip away, another thought popped into my mind: What if GOD forbid something happened to the both of us? Who would take care of my girls?

My husband and I are lucky to have an abundance of AMAZING family members and friends that would step up to the plate. We are VERY fortunate.

But WHO exactly would I WANT to raise my girls?

My parents would DEFINITELY not be on that list. They didn’t do such a great job raising my brother and me, so add to that 30+ years and it’s a recipe for disaster.

We wouldn’t have My husband’s dad raise them either. He is a man with short patience and A BIG temper sometimes (of course, he also has a heart of gold). Since my husband’s mom is no longer with us, that would rule out his parents completely.

So who?

Then it hit me.

My Aunt Shlomit.

Shlomit & I

She is like the older sister that I never had. She is my mom’s sister, and is  completely different from her.

We are smiliar in many ways, and I always felt understood by her.

Shlomit  is only about 12 years older than me, and I have looked up to her since I was a little girl. She is a stong woman with unmatched intelligence. Shlomit (who we call Shuli) is beautiful, funny and probably one of the best mother’s that I know. She will sit and help her kids for hours with their homework. She is a pillar of strength. She has 3 sons, and always wanted a daughter. Her second son was an IVF baby, and she was the one who pretty much was my shoulder when I was TTC.

This is a woman who decided to go to college at the age of 36 (with 3 young sons at home), and is now completing her Masters in English Education.

As a teen, I would often spend weekends with her while in Israel. She always made me feel welcomed and loved – especially when I was sometimes un-loveable as a teen (weren’t we all un- loveable back then?).

Shuli is an AMAZING gift giver. She really takes the time to think about her friends before she gets them something perfect. The way she wraps a present would put Martha Stewart to shame. I try to emulate that to this day.

Shlomit is also an AMAZING baker. If I lived at her house, I would probably weigh about 400 lbs.

Shuli’s husband is a gem as well. He is in so many ways like my husband. He is a handy man who can fix anything, and quite intelligent to bat. I remember watching him with his kids when they were little… always hugging and kissing them- he was never afraid to show his love for them. He had a wealth of patience for them- always playing games with them, talking them through their issues – always teaching.

They were always the perfect couple in my eyes. Funny enough, my husband and I are very similar to them- and yet…we are far from a perfect couple.

Marriage takes a lot of work.

Anyway, getting back on track… I called Shuli the other day to ask her if she would be joining us in Ireland (which she had mentioned might happen). She can’t make it, since her niece is getting married that week (shotgun wedding of a pregnant 19-year-old).

Then I spoke to her about being the one that I would want to raise my kids in case something would GOD FORBID happen to us.

The first thing she did was SCREAM at me for talking about such things. After that she said that she would be honored to raise them.

Of course, she also said that I need to have it in writing somewhere because my mom would probably fight her for custody and wouldn’t understand why I wouldn’t leave them with her.

I will do JUST that.

 There is NO WAY that I would EVER want my kids to be raised by her. She is an amazing grandmother… which pretty much means she is lousy at discipline and controlling her words or emotions.

I would hope that my husband and I will be the ones to raise our girls…. but in case that’s not in the cards- I am glad to know there is someone out there who would make me proud.

 Question: Who would you want to raise your kids and why?

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13 thoughts on “She Puts Martha Stewart to Shame

  1. Andrea

    My husband and I decided a long time ago that we’d want my sister to raise our kids. We haven’t, however, discussed with her how things would change now that she lives in Oklahoma. She is arriving for a belated holiday visit, today, and I think I’ll talk to her about that.

    My parents are AWESOME, and the plan was that my sister would have custody but my parents would help out A LOT. The question now, is would my sister move back to California to raise our kids?

    We don’t want anyone in my husband’s family raising our kids. Just: NO.

    Reply
  2. pillarr1

    I am so glad to read this post. I have been thinking about this for a while now too. My parents and my husband’s parents are all 70 years old at least. My dad is in poor health and my mom takes care of him and her own 88 year old mother. My mother in law has just recovered from cancer but she is still not in the best of health. My brother is out of the question. We thought about my husband’s sister, who is married and 44 years old. She does not have any children of her own nor does she want any. Anyway, she is not the type of person that I want raising my child. I have a cousin who is 47 years old and is married. They do not have any children but they did all they could short of ivf but it just never happened. We agreed to ask her. I have not done it yet but I am going to do it and redo our wills to name her as the guardian if something happens to us. It would be great to have Rachel’s grandparents raise her but it is just not realistic. I get all my legal forms from uslegalforms.com. They are great and are tailored to each states laws (I am also an attorney too so I checked them for accuracy). We already have Rachel as the contingent beneficiary on our life insurance and retirement accounts so all the money will be in her name and the guardian will of course have control over it. But I trust my cousin will raise Rachel to the best of her ability and spend the money wisely.

    Reply
  3. Nonnie

    This is something we talked about long ago. JD and I have one awesome married brother each. Each of them is a pastor (his brother pastoring a church, and my brother working as a chaplain in the army). Both are married to great girls. We were blessed to have two great options. So, we secretly quizzed them, asking questions about their plans without them knowing why we were asking. At the time we were asking, my brother and his wife gave the answers we liked best, so we asked them to take our child (and any children we would have in the future) if something were to happen to both JD and myself.

    Make sure you get that in writing asap, as your aunt suggested. If you don’t your girls will become wards of the state, regardless of your verbal wishes. If they become wards of the state, then it is mostly likely that your mom and dad will get them, not an aunt on the other side of the world.

    I hope you guys have the time of your lives on this trip to Ireland! I cannot wait to hear all about it!

    Reply
  4. cindy w

    My sister. My parents are great but they’re getting old & not in great health. My husband’s parents are… not an option. I’ll leave it at that. My sister is single, lives in NYC & has no kids of her own, but she absolutely adores Catie and I know she’d do an amazing job raising her.

    But yeah: GET A WILL. For real. Just the peace of mind will help. I think you can even download them on the Internet, and all you have to do is get it notarized to make it official.

    Reply
  5. mama2addie

    We’re trying to figure the same thing out. We are in the process of putting a Living Trust together and we are at a loss in that department. Both of our sets of parents are out, my little brother is a definite no (too immature), both of my husbands sisters are both pretty much losers…and only one has kids and she can’t even handle them. We were thinking about my BFF, but I haven’t talked to her yet. I really hate this part of being a parent!

    Reply
  6. Erin

    I have been reading your blog for a while, just never commented before. I was just wondering: Where in Ireland are you going? My husband and I went for our 25 Anniversary in 2006. And we had a BLAST!! It is the most beautiful place…wait till you see the views. It will take your breath away. (When they say 1,000 shades of green….it is the truth.) And everyone is so friendly – NOTHING like here! We rented a car and just drove. We are going back in 2011 for our 30th. I can’t wait!!
    P.S. I think your Aunt is an excellant choice!

    Reply
    1. geminigirl64 Post author

      Erin – The hotel is in Dublin, but we too will rent a car and drive. Unsure of the details, but would LOVE suggestions!!

      thanks!

      Reply
      1. Erin

        Are you staying in one hotel in Dublin and driving around and back to that hotel each night or going to different hotels in other areas?

  7. kjandthekids

    I have NO FRIGGIN’ idea lady. and I have 5 kids to give away. Nobody want’s FIVE kids. HOLY SHIT that’s a lot of kids.

    Your Aunt sounds awesome…maybe she can take mine. 🙂

    Reply
  8. whitevolvowagon

    I have no babies. BUT I would take custody of my siblings in a heartbeat. They are 15 and 17. My older bro is 28 and he’s a man child. I actualy had this discussion with my mother and then yelled at her for even bringing it up.

    Also, we get my cousins (well we did, they’re 19 and almost 18 now) because their stepmom is a bitch. and I’m pretty sure we get most of my dad’s brother’s kids too. all almost old enough to be on their own. Basically if the world exploded and my parents were the only ones left in our family? They’d have 6 billion kids. Three cousins on moms side. at least four the other side. maybe more. My mom is one of 8 and my dad is one of 7 so we have a LOT of cousins.
    my parents are sort of badass.

    Reply
  9. heather...

    So funny, Mike and I were just talking about this in the car the other day. I was expecting us to be on different pages, but he actually suggested my parents over his sister and BIL (because DUH NO WAY his parents). We are lucky, though, that we have good options on both sides. We really do need to have a will made out, and you know I’m crazy and I REALLY want a living will before my c-section…nothing like waiting until the last minute, right?

    Reply
  10. Julie

    Ireland us under a blanket of snow today, so not much green to be seen, but it’s still really beautiful, I’m about an hour north of Dublin, in the Boyne Valley, near Newgrange. If you’re hiring a car there are some stunning countryside views, lots of villages with great pubs in this direction…..I think it’s really wise to have all your affairs in place before you travel so your mind can take a holiday too and just enjoy time uninterrupted with your man!!

    Reply
  11. Kirsten

    I have this thought almost every time Daniel and I go away together…even if it is a car trip just a few hours away…you just never know.
    Sad thing is, I still am not sure who would fit the bill. My mother is absolutely wonderful with the girls but she is alone and could not handle both of them 24/7. His parents are also wonderful with them but I worry that they wouldn’t “share” the girls with my side of the family. We both have older brothers but wouldn’t want the girls to go with either of them.
    I just don’t know what we’d do but I know it is a very important decision that we need to make. Hopefully we’ll be going on a vacation (on a plane!) this year so we will try to figure it out by then.
    Ireland will be awesome!!!

    Reply

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