Where I ramble on about Facebook Etiquette

Before my husband and I started dating, he had two serious girlfriends.

The first was his first love- on and off from the age of 15-20 years old.

The second( we’ll call her CRAZY) from 20-22 years old.

Then there was me.

He was always a big commitment person, but during his on/ off years with his first girlfriend he sowed his wild oats with many a young lady.

Anyway, moving on.

SO

Let’s talk about crazy #2 from 20- 22years old.

First of all, she was NOTHING TO LOOK AT (and by that I MEAN FUGLY).I think one of the worst things for a woman to see is an ugly ex because that makes you pose the question “Well, if you went out with her, your standards are not that high”

and

“What does that say about me?”

I have had to ask him this many times about ex#2, because DUDE she was nothing to look at. I can accept BIG and Beautiful. I can accept UGLY with a kick ass body… but I CANNOT ACCEPT : BIG/UGLY & CRAZY.

Three months into my relationship with my husband, CRAZY decided to drive an hour to his apartment and leave a letter in his mailbox.  The letter said” I had a dream about your mother (his mother died when he was 10) and I wanted to go put flowers on her grave site”

Say what crazy?

My husband thoughtthis was a little nuts and we both chose to ignore this and went on our way.

A week later (to the day) she calls his cell phone.

He didn’t answer.

She called again.

I answer.

Me: “Hello?”

Crazy: “Umm, hi. I think I may have the wrong number”

Me: Is your name X, and are you calling B?

Crazy: Yes. Who is this?

Me: His girlfriend.

Crazy: I dialed his number by mistake. I was trying to call someone else.

Me: Was the letter you left here last week a mistake as well?

Crazy: What is it your business?

Me: Excuse me?

Crazy: (Hangs up)

I was so pissed off by the gall of this girl!!!

My husband proceeds to tell me that toward the end of their relationship, when he realized he didn’t really love her- she became scared and went to people to do black magic on him. When she took her stuff from his apt, he did a thorough search to make sure she didn’t leave anything “Suspicious” behind.

The problem is, he lived on his parents land- which is acres. She could have EASILY burried something in the soil.

Scoff if you may, but this stuff is real people.

Thatwould explain why EVERY TIME I lived on that land, I would have cysts form!! My first grew while I lived there and became the size of a grapefruit that needed to be removed withthe Fallopian tube! The second time I lived there, another cyst- along with it went my right ovary!

I sound crazy, I know.

ANYWHO.

Over the years, crazy would call my sister in laws to say “hi” and to inquire about my husband. My SIL would see her number and ignore, and would only answer after this girl would block her number!!!

A few months ago, whaddyaknowit – she friend requested my husband on FB.

He promptly ignores and goes about his life, you know- the life of being a married father of two toddlers.

Last week, she re-sends her friend request.

As if, maybe he didnt see it the first time, you know?

He hits ignore.

Then the CRAZY has the nerve to email him on fb and say :

“Hey, what’s up? So, you reallly dont want to approve me as your friend?”

Wow. and that said it all.

Does he owe this woman anything? No.

It’s been 8 years!!!

So from all that I know about this girl, I have kind of pieced together this little story (remember, this is an assumption. I may be wrong, but I don’t think I am):

He was her first real boyfriend.

She thought they were going to get married.

Her family loved him.

They traveled through Europe together, making memories- taking pictures (meanwhile, as an FYI: She paid for ALL the trips. He didn’t spend a dime)

He breaks up with her.

She cant get over it.

He rebounds VERY quickly (with me) because, well… I am pretty awesome.

But she hasn’t really been able to find anyone else since, well 2001.

She is still alone, still single ( my SIL ran into her randomly like a year and a half ago so she agreed)

Of course, she will always think of the guy that was her first love.

I mean, it’s only natural.

But now, with this whole FB thing.. it borders on PATHETIC.

Now, don’t get me wrong… I have been on the receiving end of being dumped by my first love.

I loved him until my heart burst.

He left me when he thought I was pregnant (and 19).

I have never seen, or heard from him again.

Yes, I wonder what happened to him. I wonder where his life has taken him.

Have I searched for him on FB?

Yes.

Have  I found him?

No.

But even if I did, I would probably send a friend request… just for curiosity sake (that and to just make sure he will still a waiter with no plan, while I on the other hand- RAWK)

But if he didn’t reply- TWICE- I would get the hint.

Hell, I would have gotten the hint the first time.

We settled the issue by blocking her (something i didn’t know you could do)- if you block someone, they cant find you in a FB  search. They cant see your profile.

Of course, she will probably try to ask her brother to search for him, and he will see him there.

Maybe then she will get the hint?

There are new rules of etiquette for social networking sites. How do you turn someone down on a friend request without hurting their feelings? And do we even care that we are hurting their feelings if we don’t want to be their friends in the first place?

What I do know, is something that I learnt fairly quickly in preschool:

If someone doesn’t want to be your friend, let it go.

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8 thoughts on “Where I ramble on about Facebook Etiquette

  1. Gail

    I say, if you don’t want them as your friend on facebook, you don’t really care about their feelings. I mean, if you really DO care about their feelings, but you are just careful about who your friends are, then you could always send them a message explaining…but that is kind of weird and really, half of the time, I friend request people and then totally forget. So my feelings aren’t hurt if they choose not to accept me.

    I tried to explain to my mom what “facebook friends” are, and she didn’t get it. I wonder why:)

    Reply
  2. Daddy Dan

    That’s just another reason I hate Facebook and why I deleted my account. To me, it is kind of interesting to see what people are doing now, but in my opinion if you really cared about being friends with someone you would have probably stayed in touch through the years.

    Reply
  3. jen

    AMEN! I made my FB page after we got married so no one from high school (who i dont talk to presently) would find me. I think its sort of strange how people who made fun of me in high school need to “friend” me 10 years later. Anyhow, My husband literally made a profile 3 weeks ago so he can play bejeweled all day. Its only been 3 weeks and the crazies are finding him. WTF?!

    Thanks for informing me about blocking people. I had no clue you could do that! I will let him now and maybe block a few people myself 🙂

    Reply
  4. eden

    You had me at “fugly”. Seriously, I love that you used that word.

    Yeah … this post, Maya? Imagine that AND she had KIDS WITH HIM.

    Welcome to my nightmare.

    Reply
  5. Sugar & Ice

    Some people are so pathetic. I don’t think it’s weird to have exes as friends on Facebook if everyone involved is totally over it, but in this case she obviously isn’t. My ex-fiance tried to friend me a few months ago, and I just ignored him. In that case, both of us are way past over that, but I just thought it might be weird for my husband (and his wife/girlfriend if he has one). Plus, I just really have no reason to correspond with him, so it’s pointless. There is a blogger that I do not know at all that keeps trying to friend me on FB…I’ve ignored her at least 4 or 5 times, and it’s getting a little old.

    Reply
  6. pillarr1

    Wow, how pathetic. I feel sorry for her. I would just try to ignore her as best you can. I would not do anything to intentionally infruriate her because people are crazy these days and you don’t want to endanger your family. Maybe she will snap out of it soon!

    Reply

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