Pissed off Wednesday

Two things that pissed me off today:

1) It was 9:30 am, and my girls were jumping in their exercisers as usual. Suddenly I hear a loud banging against my living room wall! The dumb f*ckers who moved next door, apparently do not like the noise.

Well get freaking used to it.

Then after a few minutes, we got a knock on the door. It was said neighbor who doesn’t speak a lick of English. Not ONE WORD. She started rambling in her language about something. I said to her “Sorry, I have two babies (I was holding Soleil) and cant do anything about it.” She just kept talking in her native tongue, as if she thought I might understand a word in Turkish.

My mom thought she was implying that she would go to the super and tell him.

She can go to him if she’d like, he likes us and he knows that we have two babies.  You cant make babies quiet. If you wanted quiet, you should have moved into a private house doucheball.

Plus- my girls are usually asleep by 6:30PM. It’s not my problem that she’s home all day and doesn’t like to be disturbed at 9:30AM.



I was invited by an old friend to her son’s circumcision (her 4th child!). Since I hadn’t seen her in years, I decided to flip a coin and take one of the girls with me. Luck landed on Soleil, and we got dressed and headed out. Since she was my high school friend, there were other old classmates there as well.

All of them are stay at home moms.

I was having a conversation with one old classmate, and she was praising me for working full time, with two kids. She then asked  me “When your husband finishes school and gets a job- will you quit your job and stay at home?” I told her that I like working, and that I didn’t get a college degree to stay at home. She then had the audacity to say “Well, you didn’t have kids to have someone else raise them, did you?”


I almost slapped her silly.

Working moms have enough guilt about working without being looked at by SAHM’s as being selfish.

Even if my husband was working and making enough money to cover our expenses, I would still work. I mean, just because I’m a mom- does that mean that I’m not important? That the desires that I’ve had all my life should take a back seat to child rearing? It’s not for me period. It doesn’t make me a bad mother.

I have the utmost respect for SAHM’S- It’s just not for me.

My mom was a SAHM. She didn’t have hobbies, didn’t have a job. She poured her everything into my brother and I, and you know what- ended up resenting us. Then as we got older and didn’t need her anymore, she didn’t know what to do with her life. Suddenly, she didn’t have a purpose anymore. I swore I would NEVER EVER be that way. Ever. My mother never payed a bill, doesn’t know how to write a check.

I wanted to be the anti-version of her, and I am.

I am proud of that.

Anyway- now that I am off my soapbox, how do you feel about being either a working mom/ or SAHM?

10 thoughts on “Pissed off Wednesday

  1. Angela

    I’m a SAHM. It’s what’s right for us at this point, but I don’t know that it will be forever, and I certainly have no place to judge working moms.

    I do have lots of hobbies though, and do not by any means spend all of my time taking care of my son. I will settle him down with his favorite toys so that I have time to do something I enjoy. The SAHM role that some people play where it’s all about the child 24/7 is nooooot for me. lol. Again though, just because it’s not for me doesn’t mean it isn’t perfect for someone else.

    I just try to stay out of the arguments altogether though – it doesn’t matter which “side” you’re on, it’s just way too easy to hurt feelings. We’re all just so sensitive as moms because whichever option we choose there’s always that niggling voice way in the back of our minds saying something else might be better. So we get really sensitive over our choices, and we can take things as hurtful when they aren’t meant that way – especially because we’re so used to things being said that ARE meant that way. So yea, I tend to avoid it most of the time, just so I can avoid hurting feelings without meaning too.

  2. KJ and the kids

    I was planning to go back to work after Syd. I couldn’t do it and had the guilty, why work so hard to have her and then give her to someone else to raise, feelings. I went back part time and that seemed ok.
    I like to think there is balance on both sides.
    We shouldn’t be hurting each other. We should be supporting each other as mothers.

    I’m sorry about your neighbor. Good luck with her!

  3. hopefulmother

    I’m a working mom (of twins too) and as much as I love my boys, I would go CRAZY staying home all the time. Not that I always love my job, in fact, it’s sometimes just a paycheck. BUT I am a better mom to them because I am working.

    That said, I try to keep my view to myself. Because none of my friends are working moms, so it is a little hard to relate.

  4. pillarr1

    OK, the neighbor has to get over it. You are so right – you live in an apartment building and there will be noise.

    About the SAHM thing. I want to slap her into the next galaxy for saying that. I am a SAHM but only because my husband is in the Army and it works for us. Moving around so much and we won’t even be here long. I’m glad I am not working now because Rachel is sick a lot so she doesn’t sleep very well. Working is not an option for me with all this sleep deprivation.

    I understand about getting a degree and working. I am an attorney and I certainly plan on going back to work. If I were your age, I would be doing the same thing. I have been working as an attorney for 14 years so I have experience and it won’t be too difficult for me to get back out it the workforce when the time comes. You are getting your experience now and getting established. You are doing what is right for you. I could go on forever about this subject.

    I still can’t believe she said that.

  5. Rachel Inbar

    I’m a WAHM but when Yirmi reaches 18 months, he’ll be in daycare. I am glad that I get to pick the kids up at the end of the day and that I don’t have to take vacation if one of them is sick, but I need my life.

    Being a SAHM may be OK for some women, but it’s not right for me. I will actually admit to HATING being home with a houseful of kids 24/7. I need peace and quiet sometimes…

  6. Kirsten

    As you know, this is something I’ve been struggling with since I went back to work a year ago. While my opinion of being a SAHM has changed a little, I still know deep down inside that I could never totally give up working. Like you, I need the outlet…I want the outlet. I’m not the “playgroup” type, either, so if I did become a 100% SAHM, I’d either be at home all day or shopping all day…neither one would be great for my sanity or our bank account.
    I deal with the guilt of my choice every single day and I hate it; I know it is all in my head. My plan is to go part-time next year and I am just hoping that is the happy medium that I need.
    Sorry about the crappy neighbors…they’ll just have to learn to deal!

  7. Kelly

    I’m a stay-at-home mom who has hobbies AND a college degree. I can even write a check! Personally, I wouldn’t feel good about working right now, but I understand that for other people (you, obviously) it is the best choice. We’re all different and our families have different needs.

    However, I take issue with this sentence that you wrote: “I mean, just because I’m a mom- does that mean that I’m not important?” That does not convey a feeling of “utmost respect” like you claim you have for SAHM’s. It says to me that you think that if a mother stays at home it means she is not, or doesn’t feel like she is, important. I hope I’m misinterpreting you’re meaning.

    Also, sorry your neighbors are so lame. Maybe they’ll get tired of knocking on your door and move.

  8. Sugar & Ice

    I love being a SAHM. I’ve done it both ways..working mom until LG was over a year old, and SAHM since then. I prefer it this way. I don’t think going to college for a degree means you can’t stay at home, and I don’t think staying at home when your kids are little means you have to give up a career. I’ll go back to my career when I’m ready. With that said, I could never be the kind of SAHM that stays home all day every day alone. I’d go nuts. I have to have at least two or three play dates per week for my own sanity. Socialization is very important for the mom and the kids when a mom chooses to stay home. If you know you’re not the kind of person that will get out and make friends, then it’s probably not a good idea to stay home.

  9. Petals

    I’m a stay at home mom, it’s something I always wanted to be and I have to say I do love it. I have plenty of interests and hobbies, and actually I am working on a freelance writing project right now. I do hear what you’re saying though- my mom was the same way as your mother and I too refuse to be that way. I think you can find a good balance when you’re either a working mom or a stay at home mom. The key is not to be extreme on either end, and never give up the stuff you love to do or lose yourself – whether you are working or not.

  10. kerry

    I think the most important thing is to be a good role model to your kids. Being devoted to them 24/7 is showing them that you are not as important as they are which means they will eventually believe that and walk all over you.

    You’re doing a great job!

    I had a neighbor issue a ways back too. Her daughter’s bedroom was underneath my stairs that went up to my apartment. She would yell at me if I came home at 10pm because I woke up her daughter. Her daughter shouldn’t have been sleeping under someone ELSE’S stairs! She even shut off my electricity on multiple occasions since the box was in her unit. PSYCHO!


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