I NEED to vent. I MUST vent.
My mother has been a home care attendant worker since I was 8years old. This means that she is in charge of taking care of one elderly person every day. The job took a lot out of my mother. It is not an easy job, and I applaud those who work with the elderly.
When my grandmother became sick and was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in October of 2006, my mother flew to be close to her in Israel. She stayed for months on end, and was even there when I was going through IVF (so no one was there to make me chicken soup or whatever it is you eat when you just had ivf and don’t know if you will ever become pregnant).
My mother came back to the US right when we found out that I was pregant. She stayed for a month of happiness before she was called back to Israel with the news that my grandmother’s cancer took a turn for the worse and she was laying on her death bed.
I spoke to my grandmother as much as I could handle. It was hard to hear her that way- incoherent. I mean up until a few months prior- this woman cracked jokes, was the youngest 72 year old I knew, and would lift her skirt up in a seductive dance in front of her husband, 7 children, and 20 grandchildren. Even when we werent telling anyone that I was pregnant (prior to the 3 month point) I needed to tell her so that she would be happy. I told her and told her not to tell anyone. She promised she wouldn’t- but took aside every one of my aunts “secretly” to tell them.
When my grandmother passed, my mother returned to the states. SHe didnt go back to work. She needed time to herself. We discussed her watching the girls when I went back to work and she was excited about it. As she says, they brought her light when she needed it the most.
Now my mother taking care of the girls is an IDEAL situation. It is.
I mean she is there by 7am and leaves when my husband returns at 2-3pm. My daughters light up when they see her.
I’m glad someone does.
I don’t have the best relationship with my mother. I have been on the receiving end of A LOT of verbal abuse from this woman. This is a woman that would use my insecurities against me when I was a child. If a certain girl didn’t like me and I would tell her about it, she would be all sweet and great. But when I would fight with my mother she would say things like “Well, that’s why that girl doesnt like you”.. yeah. She did.
So I try to not let her get to me, or interact with her too much. She is a wonderful grandmother to my daughters, but as a mother- she failed with me.
I often tell my mother that she does NOT need to clean my house while she watches the girls. I mean just watching twins is a huge job in itself. I also mentioned several times that I dislike it when other people organize my bedroom and that I wound rather her not.
Yesterday as I stepped into my room- it was tidy. Now I KNOW that most people WISHED that someone else would clean their rooms for them. I am not one of those people. I feel like my bedroom is my Private space. My mess makes sense to me. And I also have some things….. umm.. I would rather her not stumble across.. ehm
This morning as she was coming in, I told her that although I appreciate her trying to help us out, I would rather her not clean my bedroom.
THAT. WAS. IT
The woman lost it. Lost it.
She started calling me names, yelling at me….cursing me out.. IN FRONT OF MY DAUGHTERS. At first they smiled because they didn’t know what was going on… then they had a confused look on their faces.
She was holding them and just screaming. Are you for real WOMAN?
ME: Are you really screaming in front of my kids?
HER: How are they your kids when you only see them 2 hours a day?
ME: Well mom, some people FINISH high school (a burn to her that she never did) go to college, get a degree and WORK.
MOM: You’re garbage.
ME: No you’re garbage
MOM: Don’t talk to me that way!
ME: Why not?
Mom: I’m your mother.
This goes on and on for what seemed like forever. Wafers were thrown, insults slung…
Then she went on a rant about how crazy I am and that’s why no one likes me.
She has been saying that stuff to me for YEARS.
Then she went on to say that I should find someone else to care for my kids (as she always used that card). I hate when she does that.
The thing is… I WOULD send my girls to daycare in a heartbeat- instead of having to deal with her daily. I CANT afford it. They want 2-3 g’s for both girls in my area. I just don’t have that type of cash- especially when my husband is out of a job next month and is going back to school.
I mean, do I go into debt because of her… or do I keep walking on eggshells and not say one thing that may set her off?!
I am way too pissed off right now to think.
I just wish I had a good relationship with my mother. I wish my daughters will not look at me with sadness in their eyes because I am not the mother they want, or wish they had.