My husband does not have one romantic bone in his body. He just doesn’t get it. When we started dating- even up until a few months ago, I would buy him birthday, anniversary, valentines gifts and cards. His response was very lackluster. He says that he is not a materialistic person and doesn’t care for gifts and occasions. It took a while, but I finally got it- I don’t need to buy him anything. Another thing that should have made me stop doing these things is his lack of doing anything for me on these days. When it comes to my birthday, he’ll say “Buy whatever you want”- how romantic?
Is it so much to want to be surprised? I told him that although he has no need for these things, it is important to me- so he should make an effort for ME.
He said he “would try”…I don’t know if its because he’s a guy, or because he lost his mother as a boy (she made them huge birthday extravaganza’s that ended when she died)…
For example, I have been hinting to him for weeks that v-day was coming up. He said he would do something. I asked him if he did anything last night and he said “oops, I forgot”- but then went online and ordered flowers. It takes away the element of surprise when I have to remind him to do something, don’t you think? It aggravates me.
But wait, it gets better…. he calls me today and says “I don’t know if this is a dumb idea, but maybe we should send some vday flowers to our close friend” (a couple who we love)….. IS HE FOR REAL? I told him that he hardly does anything for me without coaxing, suddenly he wants to send our friends flowers ? I mean WTF? I hung up on him.
I mean, should accept the fact that my husband doesn’t care for these things and isn’t romantic? He is actually a pretty great guy otherwise… helps around the house, with the girls, etc. *Sigh*
Ok, lets move on to my mother- because you all knew it would be coming…
My mom is a nice lady. She is. She loves her granddaughters so much and comes over every morning to take care of them. She even lets my husband sleep for two hours when he comes home so that we can have some sort of schedule.
Well, she also wont listen to me. I asked her repeatedly not to pick up Soleil every time she cries because then she will get used to being picked up. I know that people say that she is too young to associate crying to being picked up- but that is SO WRONG in my experience.
My mom, doesn’t care. She pretty much holds her for hours. My mom says its because soleil is fussy and it calms her. I don’t care if she’s fussy- she needs to learn that she cannot be picked up every time she cries.
For hours last night/this morning she cried. When I would pick her up- she automatically would stop. I am serious- every time.
So this morning when I confronted my mom with this, she said that she doesn’t hold her too much (which is BS) and that she doesn’t think that her crying stops when she is held. Just to disprove her, I took Soleil (who was in my arms that moment) and put her down. She started crying that moment. I would pick her up, and she stopped. My mom said that doesn’t prove anything. So I repeated this a few more times, and every time the same result- held baby= calm baby.
Of course, every time I disprove my mother’s theories she doesn’t know what to say and says something stupid like “Well, she doesn’t do that with me”….
I said, it’s fine if she wants to continue doing it- but that means that she will have to be the one that is up with her all night as well- to reap from her fruits.
She takes offense at everything I say. She says “Do you think you grew up all by yourself?” as in, she raised me and my brother so why worry.
Umm, I worry- she didn’t do such a great job with that. Took years of therapy for me to shake her (you know, her put downs over the years) and my brother is still major damaged because of her. He is 30, lives at home with my parents, hasn’t had one normal relationship, is a major mamma’s boy, and has OCD problems- which he is on meds for. She was wayyyyy to smothering with him- and he is the way he is because of her now- and she doesn’t really see it.
I know that at the end of the day, they are MY kids and I will NOT be a mother like she was. Don’t get me wrong, I will take her wonderful qualities, which she has.. but leave the bad behind. But I am worried that they will have habits that are not to our liking.
She’s a very sweet woman, again… its just that she is clueless when it comes to many things. And it bothers me that she kind of doesn’t want to listen to what I have to say… but these are my girls. I should have a say in how they are raised even though I am at work half the day- don’t I?
That’s why I think daycare is better sometimes. Although they wont get the love and warmth that she gives them.I don’t want them to have bad traits/ habits because of her care. I want to be in charge of what is done, what they eat etc. I think she feels that they are her like her kids and she can do what she wants- which aggravates the hell out of me because they are NOT her kids.
I just got off the phone with her now, and she says “well I was just reading a baby book and it says that to comfort a baby when they have gas/cry they should be held”….. she still does not care. I told her that I don’t want her to pick them up constantly- if they are fed and clean- there is NO reason for them to be in her arms half the day.
My fear is that after all, they will think that she is their mom because she spends half the day with them. That’s the worst. That on top of it all, they will listen to her over me. When that happens, they go straight to day care ASAP.
*Btw- I have had a rash growing right below my boobies on my chest for the last week and a half. It even spread a bit to my neck- makes it look like I have a hickey (havent had one in many many years). So has anyone known of any aointments that may work? I dont have time to go to a doctor, get a referal for a dermatologist then go.. so need some over the counter advice.