1 Down- 1 To Go

Neve came home on Monday night (thus the lack of posts). I finally feel like a mother- sleep deprived.

The day was bittersweet. Of course I was happy to finally bring her home, but Soleil had to be taken out of the annex to the main NICU for closer observation because of her apnea’s. She took a step backwards while her sister took a step forward. I feel very torn.

Soleil has the problem with the suck/swallow/breathing reflex- which they say is very normal in preemies (of course that doesn’t make me sleep better at night). They say she should be outgrowing it any day now. I worry so much. Even with Neve being home- I jump out of bed every hour to make sure she’s breathing- is this how all new mothers feel?

I took Neve for her first pediatrician’s appointment yesterday. It was funny- my mom came with me (we sort of made up last week because she “apologized”) and Neve’s pediatrician was my pediatrician. When he held her up naked, she peed on the leather bed in the room. He also went to visit soleil in the hospital today and said she’s doing fine but this is what all preemies do (he was the head of that NICU for many years so I trust him when he says not to worry)

Of course, my mind is always with soleil. I cant run back and forth to the hospital as I did before because now Neve is home. Me and my husband go once a day for the 8pm feeding. I feel like I’m abandoning her, although I know that it’s not out of choice. My mom watches Neve at 8pm when we leave, but it seems like she’s not yet to comfortable holding her little preemie body- not to say that she doesn’t hold her, its just that I can tell shes not a pro at it yet like we are.

Also will I ever get sleep again? I dont think I will… its called mommyhood. I sleep with one eye open and constantly dream that something happens to my babies (which I read somewhere is very normal for new mothers). Just wishing Soleil was home to complete our family.

Here are pictures of Neve at home and Neve at the Dr’s office:


9 thoughts on “1 Down- 1 To Go

  1. The Dunn Family

    I can’t even imagine how hard this must be for you all right now. I really hope that Soleil comes home soon so that you can all be together.

    People tell you about how much newborns sleep at first, like 16 hours a day. So I never understood why I wouldn’t be sleeping too. Until they came home. You are right, and normal. Every noise, every grunt gets you up and running into that room. It takes a while, but you will get used to it, and you will sleep again. It won’t be for a while, but you will get there. And you’ll get used to their noises and squeaks and grunts, and realize that everything is ok without having a breakdown as you run into their room.

    Hang in there momma.

  2. Kirsten

    I am sooo glad Neve is home!! That is wonderful news though I know it breaks your heart to not have them both home. It’s awesome that she got to come home without monitors, too! I pray that Soleil will be home very, very soon…my little Chayse had an issue with apnea, too, and I can atest to the fact that they do grow out of it…they just have to be SO incredibly careful with premies.
    I’m glad to see that you are on better terms with your mom. With twins, you will definitely need her. I don’t know how I would do it without my mom (not to leave out my dear hubby but she’s been a God-send…she cleaned my whole house today and I came home to fresh sheets…wonderful).
    As for sleep…it is a thing of the past for now but, as pp said, you will get there. I still jump out of bed as soon as I hear the first peep (and my girls sleep upstairs!). Try to get rest whenever you can because sleep deprivation is not a pretty thing.
    Best of luck to you guys as you bring the little ones home and begin your new life!!

  3. my two cents

    Congratulations! It is so very very had having one baby home, and one still in the hospital. You get so wrapped up in taking care of the baby at home, and like you say you can’t run back and forth like you used to. You will feel much better when they are both home, and you’ll sleep better then, too. They are both such beautiful girls, and look GREAT. Congratulations, again. You have worked so hard to get here.

  4. Chas

    I can’t believe she’s home! That’s terrific!She’s so cute!! Believe me, you will sleep again :). It just might be a while. I remember having some terrible dreams about Lila after bringing her home and waking up scared to death that they were real. She’s almost 21 months old, and I still check on her to make sure she’s breathing, but it’s MUCH less stressful then what the beginning, I assure you….not that I can even really relate to what you’re going through right now.

  5. Jen

    You will sleep again. I’m not going to say when but just know that sleep will eventually come back into your life! 🙂

    I’m the mom of twin 6 year old girls who were born at 25 6/7. We did the loooooooong NICU haul. There is an end to that NICU roller coaster. Just hang on right now the best you can.

    Congrats on having Neve home. I too did exactly what you are doing, just up to the hospital to see the babe who had to stay there longer. It’s hard and exhausting. But you’ll get through it.

    Good luck with those two beautiful babies!!

  6. K J and the kids

    What ??? so much happening !!!!
    How WONDERFUL !!! Congratulations Neve.
    She is absolutely beautiful.
    Congratulations mom and dad.

  7. Malky B.

    All new moms worry if their baby is breathing even when they are full term. Congrats on having Neve home. Glad you made up with your mom. May you have smooth sailing from here on out.

  8. Michell

    How exciting. And scary but exciting. I’m so happy for you that Neve is home and I hope that Soleil will be soon too.


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