Neve came home on Monday night (thus the lack of posts). I finally feel like a mother- sleep deprived.
The day was bittersweet. Of course I was happy to finally bring her home, but Soleil had to be taken out of the annex to the main NICU for closer observation because of her apnea’s. She took a step backwards while her sister took a step forward. I feel very torn.
Soleil has the problem with the suck/swallow/breathing reflex- which they say is very normal in preemies (of course that doesn’t make me sleep better at night). They say she should be outgrowing it any day now. I worry so much. Even with Neve being home- I jump out of bed every hour to make sure she’s breathing- is this how all new mothers feel?
I took Neve for her first pediatrician’s appointment yesterday. It was funny- my mom came with me (we sort of made up last week because she “apologized”) and Neve’s pediatrician was my pediatrician. When he held her up naked, she peed on the leather bed in the room. He also went to visit soleil in the hospital today and said she’s doing fine but this is what all preemies do (he was the head of that NICU for many years so I trust him when he says not to worry)
Of course, my mind is always with soleil. I cant run back and forth to the hospital as I did before because now Neve is home. Me and my husband go once a day for the 8pm feeding. I feel like I’m abandoning her, although I know that it’s not out of choice. My mom watches Neve at 8pm when we leave, but it seems like she’s not yet to comfortable holding her little preemie body- not to say that she doesn’t hold her, its just that I can tell shes not a pro at it yet like we are.
Also will I ever get sleep again? I dont think I will… its called mommyhood. I sleep with one eye open and constantly dream that something happens to my babies (which I read somewhere is very normal for new mothers). Just wishing Soleil was home to complete our family.
Here are pictures of Neve at home and Neve at the Dr’s office: