No sleep

Did I mention that I’m not really sleeping? I am usually half asleep at night, and when I do sleep I dream about my girls in the NICU. It’s really no fun at all. I guess mom brain has kicked in. It’s as if my mind/body knows that I’m a mom and wont let me rest until my girls are home and/or in college.
On Sunday I spoke to one of the doctors in the NICU and she said that if Soleil was off the C-PAP for over 48 hours they would consider taking her up to the ANNEX where her sister is. So yesterday afternoon it had been over 48 hours without the c-pap (go soleil go!) and I had asked if she would be taken upstairs. One nurse said that there were other babies that would probably be taken up before her since they were in open air cribs while she is still in an isolette (as if she was low in the “food chain”).
The annex on the 2nd floor where Neve is is really small- maybe just 10 babies or so. Soleil’s NICU doctor who is so sweet said that she would see what she cold do, and would see if soleil was even ready to be taken upstairs. I said that it would be easier on me if they were together, but I would understand if she wasn’t taken up.
Last night when I went to visit Soleil- she was gone. They had moved her to the annex where Neve is! I almost cried. The nurse said to me “I guess it’s good when you speak up sometimes”.
Me and my husband ran upstairs and there were my munchkins- in the same room! My husband held Neve, while I held Soleil and we each fed one. It was so nice!
Soleil ate her entire feeding by bottle, while Neve only took a little less than half. One is stronger than the other in different areas I suppose. Neve’s nurse this morning said that she had a fever last night so she opened her isolette to air it out and her fever went down, then it went up again. She will try to put her in an open air crib to see if that helps her. I guess this worry never goes away.
I think it finally hit us last night as we each held one daughter- we have twins. How are we going to do this? I mean, even the simple things like feeding them? If my husband is asleep and I am the only one awake, how will I manage to hold and feed them both when they are so small? Do I put them in their swings and hold the bottles for them? There is no handbook for this.
I am so paranoid I even went out and purchased the sensor monitors to put under their mattresses (it beeps if it doesn’t detect movement for over 20 seconds). I don’t know if they are a waste of money or not- any thoughts?
On another note, my mother still has not called me to apologize. I don’t think she thinks that what she did was wrong. Everyone that I spoke with says she crossed the line. It just hurts… I always longed to have a good relationship with her. It would break my heart if my girls felt the same way toward me as I feel toward my mother. I hope that I have learnt from her mistakes and only take away the good that she has.
Oh- and my apt is coming along, slowly but surely. We do have a deadline which helps get things done (my baby shower on Sunday). The only thing missing in the nursery are curtains and the wooden letters that I ordered to place on the wall by their cribs (with their names). I will post pictures when their room is finally done (I still hate that dang bathroom though).
Just found out that my SIL is 5 months pregnant. Good for her- but she is getting no reaction, just like I didn’t get one from her. It’s sad that she ruined our friendship. Hope she and her husband are doing well- since I don’t know how smart it is to bring another child into the world when you and your husband hate one another, are passive aggressive with each other and when your husband cheats on you.

Next week my husband and I are taking a baby CPR class. I really think all parents should take them before they bring their baby home. I will feel less powerless once I have some sort of knowledge on the subject.
By the way, did I mention how much Soleil looks like me as a baby? The first picture is of me and the next pic is her. Do you see a resemblance? Very eerie.


7 thoughts on “No sleep

  1. K J and the kids

    YEAH !
    I’m sorry that while you should be able to you are unable to sleep.
    That bites.

    Can’t wait to see pictures from the shower.

    BOTH of you are cute babies. 🙂

  2. Stacie

    Congratulations on the big move! That is awesome news. Now the girls are together again. It won’t be long until they are home!

    I totallly understand the sleep thing. I guess we are just practicing for when the babies come home. 🙂

    Wow, she really does look just like you…and both of you are soooo cute!

  3. Kerry Lynn

    That’s great that they are together. It sounds like they are getting stronger and stronger every day.

    I wanted to share my feeding tecniques with you to hopefully ease your mind. I always fed them at the same time…if one woke up to eat I woke the other one up which assured me at least 2 hours until the next time they wanted to eat (which gradually went up to 3 hours then 4 hours). I would change their diapers, make bottles, lay them on a big ottoman that we have and prop them up a little with a big pillow under their heads. I would put the bottle up and stick a burp cloth or two under it so it stayed up so I didn’t have to hold it. That way when I had to burp one the other could continue to eat and not scream the entire time.

    You will find what works for you, no need to worry about it now…you have enough to think about.

  4. my two cents

    Having your girls together is sooo much easier than when they are in separate nurseries!! So glad this worked out.

    Mine didn’t always wake up to feed at the same time so sometimes I fed one and then the other, which I liked. As much as I tried to wake a sleeping baby to feed it, that never worked for me, so I just fed them on demand. It helped that my husband would often get up to feed as well. We often followed one baby each night, so I would feed my daughter all night and he our son, then trade the next night.

    When I was home during the day, I would sit on my bed with my back against the bedboard with a baby, propped on a pillow, on either side of me and feed them while they were facing me. I could hold the bottle with two fingers and stroke their faces while they ate. It was only about seven months or so before they could hold the bottle themselves!

    You’ll find what works for you!

  5. Kirsten

    That is wonderful news that they are together…I remember being SO relieved that my girls were finally together and within a few feet of each other. Just wait until you can put them snuggled up together…it is awesome.
    As for the feeding; I don’t remember ever going at it alone during the first month or so…Daniel and I just set our alarm for every three hours and both of us got up each time. It was rough but it made things so much easier. Now that they are a little bigger, we can either feed them simultaneously while in their bouncers or we prop them up on pillows and insert bottles! I was (and still am) amazed at all the things I can accomplish both by myself and with Daniel as the parent(s) of twins…it just comes to you and you figure out a way to make things happen.
    I didn’t buy the mattress sensor…didn’t even know they had it! But, then again, my girls came home on monitors so we were comforted by that. They had them for a month and they would detect if they stopped breathing for too long or if their heart stopped.
    Good for you guys for taking the CPR class; we did, too, and it helped ease my nerves.
    Try, try, try to get some sleep…those days will soon be over!!!

  6. topcat

    Wow – you’re like the third twin! You look so similar!

    I’m so glad your beautiful babies are now together, that’s just awesome. And I hope you manage some decent sleep soon.


  7. Chas

    Congratulations on getting your girls together!

    Don’t worry, lol…some of that worry will alleviate after they’ve been here a little. I still worry about Lila constantly, but it’s much less intense than it was when she was very small.

    I usually think people are nuts when they say their baby pictures look just like their kids…but yours really does!!


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