A step forward, a step back.
Soleil is back on phototherapy. I hate it. She is the one that is on and off c-pap, and now they are putting her back under the lights. I hate it. I hate that she has to suffer. Yesterday when they re-inserted the cpap into her nose, she was crying. She hates it. I was there and I calmed her down. Of course, I cried because she cried. It hurts to see your child uncomfortable or in pain. I’m crying now.
I know that all this is normal for preemies, it’s just hard to watch her take a step backwards. I am thankful that it is only this and not something worse, but its still hard to take. These are my baby girls. Their pain is my pain. I’m a mom, that’s it. I’m home now and the thought of her back under the lights with her eyes covered bothers me. She got to see the world for a bit, now that was taken away from her.
I am sorry- its just one of those days. I know I have to stay positive and look at the bright side of things.