A step forward, a step back.

Soleil is back on phototherapy. I hate it. She is the one that is on and off c-pap, and now they are putting her back under the lights. I hate it. I hate that she has to suffer. Yesterday when they re-inserted the cpap into her nose, she was crying. She hates it. I was there and I calmed her down. Of course, I cried because she cried. It hurts to see your child uncomfortable or in pain. I’m crying now.

I know that all this is normal for preemies, it’s just hard to watch her take a step backwards. I am thankful that it is only this and not something worse, but its still hard to take. These are my baby girls. Their pain is my pain. I’m a mom, that’s it. I’m home now and the thought of her back under the lights with her eyes covered bothers me. She got to see the world for a bit, now that was taken away from her.

I am sorry- its just one of those days. I know I have to stay positive and look at the bright side of things.


6 thoughts on “

  1. Mony

    Every time they changed Cooper’s feeding tube my heart would break! You just want to scream “Leave my baby alone!” But of course, it’s all for their well being. It’s hard though.

  2. Kirsten

    I’m so sorry you had to see that. I will never forget the night I called to check on my girls and I could hear Chayse screaming in the back because they were changing her IV…it was the worst feeling knowing she was miles away and I couldn’t comfort her. So, while I know it was hard to see, I am glad you were there to comfort her…and I know she was so glad to have mommy right there with her.
    It’s SO hard to go through what you are going through but you just gotta keep pushing along until that wonderful day they get to come home.
    That’s great that you guys got the nursery furniture! Preparing the nursery was a huge help for me while waiting for the girls to get home so I hope it’s helping you 🙂 Soon those precious girls will be sleeping comfy & cozy in their new cribs!

  3. Chas

    It’s hard to stay positive when are children are suffering. Of course, your little ones are doing well and you do have a lot to be thankful for, but I totally see what you’re saying…you’re their mom and you can’t help but worry.

  4. Stacie

    The setback days are no fun at all. All we can do is pray that we have more good days than bad.

    It is so hard to have other people taking care of the babies. I hope for both of us that the babies come home nice and healthy VERY soon.


  5. K J and the kids

    For every two forward there has to be one back right.
    I’m sorry for the one back.

    When Spencer was in the hospital at around 5 weeks for a respiratory infection they had to suction him…I thought I was going to die…he acted as if they were killing him…and I remember the nurse telling me she was surprised that I stayed with him…most parents have to leave she said.
    I’m proud of you for staying with your girls and comforting them.


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