Hospital: Day 16

We all have our good days and our bad days.

Today was a bad day for me.

I am tired of these four walls. I need to breathe fresh air. I need to not be awoken at 8am by a plethora of people. The nurse, the pcts who constantly check my vitals, the cleaning man who sweeps my room, the woman who takes out the garbage, the man who mops the floor, the doctor, the woman who brings the breakfast, the woman who changes the linens. I am not kidding. All those people come in between 7am-8:30am. They wont give me my rest. I have no privacy. Even though I have my own room, there is no privacy in a hospital. My husband works all day or goes to school and I only see him for two hours a day. There is only so much you can go online or watch television before you lose your mind.

Yesterday and today I had the same nurses- the ones I dislike. They make it worse for me. They aren’t mean, but they aren’t friendly. They don’t smile. It depresses me. One of the nurses this morning said that one of the resident doctors that examines the ultrasound results doesn’t think that I need to be here. That made me think. I mean the truth is, I’m only here as a “precaution”. That means that if I were home and felt contractions it would take me 20 minutes to get here as opposed to already being here if I stayed.

Is that reason enough to stay?

I really do try to remain positive but I am only human. I break sometimes. Its natural.

I was crying for about 2 hours today when my husband was here. I told the nurse to call the doctor who was on call from my practice today to ask her if I could leave. Of course it wasn’t my immediate OB, it was another doctor who is so strict.

She called me back, was very stern and said that she would not discharge me, that it was her medical opinion that I stay- but I could discharge myself against medical advice. Then she went ahead and said that if something were to happen to my babies it would be on my head, and that my husband and family would blame me. Nice guilt huh?

She just came in and spoke with me as I was typing and layed the guilt on thick. She said that she wants to take me down to the NICU to see twins that were born at 26 weeks that have had one problem after the next. Heart failure, surgeries…. I told her not to use those tactics on me.
She said that when I came in I was in such bad shape that they had to give me the highest amount of meds to stop my contractions. She also said that they didn’t think I would make it this long without delivering and went on to say that their practice deals with high risk pregnancies and had birthed the highest number of multiples in the surrounding area.

She said to talk to my doctor tomorrow and see what he says.

Of course I know what he’s going to say. But I am cracking.

My husband says that I could do what I want, but that he would feel better if I stayed. He also said the one thing that got to me: “The babies are depending on you”. I mean, what can you say to that?

So although I am losing my mind, I will stay.
I’m not superwoman, I break too.


11 thoughts on “Hospital: Day 16

  1. Malky B.

    Sorry that your having such a hard time. Your used to being so busy and working full time, I can imagine that hospital bed rest must be really difficult. Is there any outside area they would let you go to to get some fresh air? That might help a lot. I hate hospitals as well and can only imagine how hard this is for you. Hang in there.

  2. K J and the kids

    You are really doing SOOO good.
    I only had to stay in the hospital…hmm…2 or 3 days.
    I COULD NOT SLEEP. I finally asked for a sleeping pill (HI, I wouldn’t even take TYLENOL when I was pregnant) I HATED all of the choas and noise. I know it can be miserable…but I think the best thing to do now is to….SHOP ! Start buying stuff online.
    When your husband starts getting shit when he gets home it will give him a good reason to call you…which will give you another PEICE of home 🙂 ha ha

    Threats, threats, threats !!!
    My babies were supposedly going to FALL OUT of me if I got up. I induced at 37 1/2 weeks. I jumped, I ran, (ok I walked REALLY fast….for a FAT PREGNANT woman 🙂
    Whether you are at home or in the hospital as long as you are taking care of you. NOT getting up. NOT DOING ANYTHING. I think they will stay put. Maybe tell your doctor that you “solemnly VOW to NEVER EVER EVER do anything that would induce labor) I begged my doctor and was able to stay home 🙂
    Problem is that you have to go in 2 times a week for appointments…THAT’S what will put you in to labor.

    When your husband comes…have him get a wheel chair and take you for a walk outside. OR AT LEAST to the cafeteria.
    I’m sorry. Just hoping that everything stays put. 🙂

  3. twinboysmom

    I just had to respond!First,congrats with the twin pregnancy.My twins are such a joy. Second, reading your posts is so strange for me because my story is so similar. I was admitted to the hospital at 26 weeks after a routine appt. i had no idea i was contracting an upwards of 10 times an hour, 2 cm dialated, and 90% effaced. After 3 days on the max amount of mag I was told i’d be in until I delivered. After 2 tortuous weeks (with a crazy roommate) I chose to go home. The team was 50-50 split on the decision to let me go so they left it up to me. I decided to because everything seemed fine, no more dialation, I regressed to only 50% effaced, I had my mother and mother in law living with us temporarily to help me, and the contractions had subsided. Everything was fine at first at home. The worst part was getting to the hospital. Yes you can stay at home on bedrest, but it takes so much effort to get dressed, sit in the car, go to the hospital. Yes I used a wheelchair, etc, but the contractions always picked up. AFter a few weeks of no change, I was told I could do small tihngs aroudn the house, like make a sandwhich or get a snack. This is where it went downhill. I am convinced this relaxation of bedrest caused my ultimate labor and delivery. As much as I hated, dested, and was becoming depressed, i needed tos tay in the hospital. I ended up delivering at 31w3d. They spent 5weeks in the NICU and are healthy now, but the effects of prematurity don’t end for some. We could be looking at learning disabilites, behav problems, etc. My story is not meant to scare you, just to warn you and let you know you are not alone! I was in the same position as you 19 mos ago and I shoudl have stayed. I’m not positive that i would have delivered later had I stayed, but I definitely would not have been up as much as I was at home. I feel guilty every day and you need to give you babies the best shot, and unfortunately for you, that’s in the hospital. Iwish my docs would have told me no and scared me like yours. You’ll thank her when you deliver at 37 weeks!!! I know it’s hard and please email me if you need any advice or need a list of cool websites I frequented.Good luck and hang in there!!!


  4. Chas

    I am so sorry you’re feeling so sad right now. I hope you can hang in there and stay in the hospital, just to be safe. If I was nearby I’d come and visit you every day and tell those nurses to stuff it.

  5. The Dunn Family

    I am so sorry to hear how things are going in the hospital. I wish I could say something to make this easier for you. I know how miserable I was in the hospital AFTER I have birth, and it was only for 4 days. The guilt trip stinks, and I wish there was a better way the doctors could explain to you that the hospital is the right place for you to be.

    Just hang in there. I think you know deep down inside that you are where you need to be for your babies. I just wish that the stay could be more enjoyable and comfortable, with less people bugging you when you are sleeping, and more nice nurses.

    Sending hugs and positive vibes!

  6. Furrow

    Oh, that really sucks. What a horrible position you’re in. I can completely understand being sick to death of being stuck in the hospital. The guilt trip sounds totally unfair, but I’m sure you don’t want to do anything to compromise the girls. I hope that in a few more days or a week, everyone will feel comfortable letting you go home to rest.

  7. Caro

    Hugs, fellow gemini girl.

    The doc is being really mean guilt tripping you as if we don’t have enough guilt when we’re pregnant. I’m sorry this is so hard, my sister was on bed rest at home towards the end of her pregnancy and I know it drove her bonkers.

    Good luck with the rest of your stay.

  8. Nearlydawn

    Sorry to hear you are having a rough time of it. I’m 50/50 on the going home, so I have no advice. 😦

    I do LOVE the idea KJ had – have hubby take you out for a roll when he’s in. No reason you can’t get some fresh air! If you want, I think you can get an orderly or an aid take you out too, if your doctor agrees. I’m betting they have a courtyard built for just such a purpose.

    I wish I could send you a care package. Books and some toys might get your mind off being cooped up. 🙂

    Have you heard from Stacie (Here Storkey)? I’m worried that we haven’t heard from her on her blog in a few days.

    Hope tomorrow is a much better day!

  9. Ann

    Hey there, I found you through Nearlydawn. I’m so sorry that you’ve been stuck on bed rest so early. I can only imagine how anxious you are.

  10. Kirsten

    I’m pretty shocked that the doctor would tell you she wanted you to go and look at the babies in the NICU…that’s just not right. First of all, like you said, those babies are not meant to be a scare tactic…I mean, how would the babies’ mothers feel if they knew doctors were sending patients in there to scare the living crap out of them by looking at their babies who are fighting for their lives? Oh my gosh. It just hits a nerve with me since mine were in there so long and I know how horrible and helpless the mothers feel. Ok, off my soapbox but I’d love to give that doctor a piece of my mind right about now!!!!!
    I’m sorry you are stuck there, I remember how annoying it was to have the constant flow of traffic. And nurses with bad attitudes are the absolute pits. I had several throughout my stay and I just wanted to ask them why they stayed in a job that made them so miserable. I just don’t think they understand that women in positions such as yours need all the positivity possible being in that environment. Yeesh.
    You are doing SO good though. Every day is leaps & bounds for those precious little girls. Soon this will all be a distant memory, I promise.

  11. my two cents

    Oh Gemini Girl,

    I am sorry that your pregnancy is so difficult. I want to echo twinboysmom and say that as hard as it is being in the hospital, it is for the best. It seems like an eternity now, but once your babies are born, it will have been so very little time. My twins are fifteen so I speak from a little experience when I say how short a time that really is. We have survived dreadful school years that were much harder than pregnacy, bed rest, and time in the NICU. I am sure that is hard to believe, but it is true. An NICU visit shouldn’t be used as a threat, but it can be a great motivator. My twins stayed just under two weeks, but that was the longest hardest time we have had in more than fifteen years. I hope you can hang in there. I know some days are hard, really really hard. Your body hurts, your mind seems like it is gone, you can’t breathe, but in the end it will all have been worth it. Children are our greatest gift. Do you have friends who could prepare a visit schedule to help keep your spirits up? I had a friend who spend ten weeks in the hospital on bed rest and I visited and brought her things she requested two or three times a week. I know others who did the same. I think it really helped pass the time. I can’t emphasize how much strength I am sending you in spirit. Best wishes.


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