Ramblings of the day….

It’s strange to think that one year from now my life will be completley different. I dont htink that anything in my life will ever change like this huge life event coming up.

I mean this is larger than life (much like my thighs).

It’s funny how I see pics of celebs that are pg and they look thin all over but have a belly bump. Who looks like that?

I’ll tell you who doesn’t: me!
It’s funny how you grow all over- not just in your belly! Well, a few lucky chosen ones only grow in that area.
But I love the thought that I am pregnant and have two little human beings inside of me. Its such a strange thought because it’s not like I feel them yet. The only reason I know they are there are from the sonograms and protruding belly.It just feels unnatural. I mean I know that its the most natural thing in the world, but when you are IF and it seems like it’s happening to everyone but you- it’s not something that seems or comes naturally (especially if you got pg through ivf). So why would that feeling change within a matter of 4 months?
It reminds me of being overweight. Most of my life I was about 50 pounds heavier than I should have been. I had always been viewed as “Chubby” and “pleasantly plump”- my entire life. Then within a matter of a few months I dropped the weight- but that didn’t mean that I didn’t feel overweight. People were treating me differently and I saw something else in the mirror but it takes quite longer for your mind to catch up to your body… and I think that’s whats happening to me. I wonder when I’ll feel pregnant. When I give birth? Ha. This is all so surreal. You would think that being 3.5 months pg with twins would change that- but frankly it doesn’t.
Everyday after work when I arrive home my husband comes and greets my belly. He kisses it and says “hello guys.. I love you”. Last night he said that he feels love for them already. I don’t know if I am there yet though and I think its because it has not fully sunk in yet. Is it weird that I don’t “love” them yet? Should I? I mean I haven’t seen them yet or had that bonding moment. I don’t eat certain things, stay away from hazardous situations, feed them whatever they are craving (wink wink) and make sure I am healthy and well rested. But can I call it love- no, not yet anyway…
I hope that doesn’t make me a horrible person.
So tonight I am going to see the movie I have been waiting for … the Simpson’s movie. I will let you know how it is but I may be a little bias because I have loved the show since it was a short. Hope you have a great wknd ladies!
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3 thoughts on “Ramblings of the day….

  1. Kirsten

    It is a strange thing to go through all of the changes of pregnancy. I didn’t even realize how swollen I truly was until now. I mean, my feet and stomach are just dry as can be because the skin on them was so stretched out…they feel like sandpaper but I’m working on it!
    And about feeling love for them…it’s strange, too. I guess I knew I would love them but I just couldn’t really feel it while they were in me because it just never really felt real until they were here. It’s hard to describe. And it wasn’t this immediate rush of love when I first saw them (mainly because I was kinda drugged up)…it hit me in the next couple of days. I would go and visit them in the NICU and every day, it just got harder and harder to leave them. I remember on the 3rd day, I started crying as soon as I went in the NICU just thinking of having to leave them again. When we walked out my husband said “what happened to you in there?” and, of course, I started crying again and he just rubbed my back and said “you love your little babies”…I will never forget that moment because it’s when I truly realized exactly how much I adored them and that they were OUR children. It’s an awesome thing but don’t worry if you’re not there yet…it’ll hit you, probably when you least expect it 🙂

    Reply
  2. Stacie

    I think it is strange to see how your body changes as time goes on. It has been really hard for me to watch myself. I realize that I have babies in here, but still it is hard for me to watch myself get bigger. I haven’t ever struggled with my weight. I had the opposite problem of being unable to gain weight for the longest time, especially when they said I was at the low end of my ideal weight according to the body mass index. Took me almost 3 months to gain 5 pounds. Now, looking down at this belly is odd in a way. Strange. (Does that sound crazy or what?)

    Surreal is the understatement. We are bringing two little people into this world at the same time! I am struck by the love and absolute fear I am feeling! It is also so reassuring for me to read your posts and know that I am not alone in these feelings. So glad we are due date buddies!

    Reply
  3. Chas

    I guess I was one of those evil people whose body only seemed to expand in the belly area. It’s funny though…b/c I really wanted to get larger…I wanted to look more pregnant than I did. I guess it goes both ways.

    Don’t worry about the love situation. It’ll come. It might happen when you start to feel the kicks, or maybe it’ll be when you first see the little faces. Either way…don’t feel bad, you’ll love them plenty when they’re here.

    Reply

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